The value of leaving .....

I knew long before the trip was planned, that as important as going was, and as much as I longed to go back, and to see the dearest people in my life... that the true importance was not as much about going, as it was in leaving.

Briefly rewind now to two years ago.  Never underestimate the value of leaving.  Leaving takes more strength, more long-distance endurance, than going could ever hope to.  Going is easy, going back is a natural reflex. Leaving, especially when you know, in all reality, that you are leaving for good, is a lofty endeavor ... not for the faint of heart.

You see, in some areas of my life I am a force to be reckoned with ... in others, well quite frankly I am a wimp.  I enjoy a good hearty challenge, particularly in creativity or intellect --- but a simple thing like change?  Not so much.

So take BIG change.  Take leaving all that you know--as a grown up.  As a 'grown-up' you can size it up--it is almost as if you know too much.

Last Sunday was our 2 year anniversary of moving to France... of leaving.  Where did I "celebrate" this notable anniversary?  On this exact day that two years ago I sat... on a plane.... leaving what I knew to be home...to start over, a new life... (and with a new life growing inside?)  Where else?!  But on a plane...exactly 2 years to the day--June 17th 2010 and June 17th 2012... on a plane--headed to France.... again.  A little ironic?

I had the inevitable crash today.  Some tears, a bit of frustration, a little longing.  I have been back home in France for five days.  I have lived in France for two years and five days.  I have only for about the last five days... called France home.  HOME.

I have already written about what I loved about my trip to see family in the US....seeing family--absolutely number one.  Speaking, listening, absorbing....a native language without thinking about it--probably the close-second.  Spontaneous communication.... priceless.  Being understood....wow.  WOW.  Looking at things with new eyes ... pretty amazing.  Do you know how many American Flags I saw?  They were everywhere!  And it is not yet even the 4th of July--they are more than holiday decor.

Coming back here -- I suddenly realized how much I love our simple routines...the way the day passes.  Knowing our house, what needs to be done, enjoying the simple things like cooking a meal or taking a walk.... pulling weeds in the garden.

All of the things that add value to leaving ... and even more so, to coming back.

Home

I am sitting up in bed and sipping coffee, while next to me 'Petite Fille' sleeps, butt in air, face down ... snoring.  It's just before 10 AM and she has been sleeping like that for almost 14 hours.  Jet-lag.  Oh, the magical deep, dream-filled sleep of the weary traveler.

Yesterday we returned home-- back to France.  Yes.  I think it was yesterday, and yes, I said 'home'.  I have decided that you cannot officially call a place home until you have lived there for an extended amount of time (2 years for us) and have left it and returned.  And now I have, since last week I went to Boston to visit with my family for ten days and brought with me the little Monkey and 'Middle Garcon' to celebrate my parents 50th wedding anniversary and to spend time with my 'Belle-Sister' and our family. 'French Guy' and the 'Teen' stayed at home in France to hold down the fort.  (and to work and to go to school.)

The journey out was excruciatingly-traumatic.  I was every international-flight passengers nightmare--thanks to the screaming, thrashing Monkey and the restless 8 year old on the flight from Paris to New York to Boston. We made no friends on that flight.  I will never-ever fly as a single parent again.  Ever.  I also will never ever fly with American Airlines again.  The lack of service (actually is was more like the intentional dis-service and nasty attitude) on the part of one particular flight-attendant-- sealed that deal.  But enough said about that.  We arrived.. safely.... in one piece...me with a few more grey-hairs and much higher blood pressure and a newly developed case of PTSD.... but we made it.

She slept for a whole 30 minutes of the 7 hour flight.

I will post a few times about this trip I am sure.  It's time to do a better job at posting and not allow the dust to settle so much on this blog.  I am so blessed with a very full life which has been showered lately with great writing projects and photography work....and there is a cue of things on the horizon that will challenge me to stick here--but I promise I will try.

As soon as I catch up on some rest myself.  I am wishing I had the 1 or 8 year old body that can suck-in the sleep and food and be replenished and ready to go-go-go in a few days. When we arrived in Boston it took about 4 of the 9 days to 'bounce back' to semi-normal.  The kiddos were up at 3 AM for the first three days...then 5 AM for the rest of the stay, more or less.  'Petite Fille" learned to fall-asleep in almost any position, anywhere -- any time of day as needed .... me?  Not so much.  But the time spent with family and the essential sense of being 'away'.... made it all worth it.  I had not been back to the US for 2 years, and for me it was about as amazing as my 8 year old would feel going to Lego-land for the first time with a all-rides, all you can eat, stay as long as you want--pass.

Lily and her new family at Old Navy

In case you take it for granted --- let me remind you that the US is not a bad place.  Speaking English and being able to make small talk with strangers, stores that stay open until 9PM (or stay open 24 hours) and do not close for lunch-- is pretty awesome.  American TV--particularly HGTV, Food Network and Bravo -- is pretty cool at all hours of the day..... and the food..... Okay--well I got that one on you.  Sorry.

I completely immersed myself in all of the things that I have missed over the past two years since moving to France -- double tall, non-fat lattes in a paper-cup "to-go" for example?...... couldn't get enough.  Shopping at TJ Maxx and Marshalls... and Old Navy for the kiddos --- Heaven.  Oh--and the high-light of my retail consumption during my trip?  WHOLE FOODS MARKET -- mais bien sur! After I got over the urge to fall to my knees and weep-- I walked around Whole Foods carefully selecting prized items and power-shopping while trying not to hyper-ventilated with joy.  Yea.  That good.

Whole Foods - Framingham, MA

 Well--the Monkey stirs.   It's time to greet this day (whatever it is....Monday?  Tuesday?  What time is it--What country are we in?)  and time for me to have more coffee....more, more coffee.

Happy to be back mes amis.  Happy to be HOME.  

More soon.  I promise.