Sand ...

I know that I am pretty close to getting strangled by some of you if I post another set of images of a bliss-filled beach day.... but it is only fair that we are finally spending some time in the sun and sand-- and yes also due for some bliss--family style. We have been waiting for summer, all summer long.

A string of three, count'em.....3...summer-like days hit this past weekend and although it was a weekend full of work and catching up on work--we squeezed in a stop at a beach in St. Aubin Sur Mer after we went to a huge brocante-flea market to shop for things for Sunday Brocantes.

So we traveled to the seaside town about an hour from us and even dragged the reluctant 'garcons'...Petite Fille is taken to the sales every weekend whether she likes it or not...but the boys usually get to be on their own at home under the guardianship of the teen...Where they eat chips and snacks all day and stay glued in front of 'Minecraft' for hours on end.......

This Sunday was different.  It was 'family-day'.... if you could have heard the moans of 'les enfants' when we announced that a picnic would be packed and we would all.... ALL... be going to St. Aubin.  To sweeten the deal they also were given 5 euro each to spend at the sale (on old video games or classic collectable toy cars....).

After hours in the SUN, (I smile as I type that word! and I would 'cross' myself if I was Catholic!) at the brocante we had lunch in a shady park and then toted everyone and everything to the beach in town and spent the rest of the afternoon blissfully getting sand between our toes....and everywhere else.

Life is good.  Something about the being at the beach reminds me of that .... every. single. time. I am there.  I had time to think and gave myself the luxury of putting aside the tough decisions and hard thoughts, and spent the afternoon making the easy ones.

At the end of the day .... cheeks tingly from the sun, toes and fingers all wrinkly and sand covered bottoms......

and then naps in the car on the way home. 

Family Sunday and sand covered bliss-- a very 'bon dimanche'.

Thief of Joy ... no longer.

Comparison is the thief of joy ....  not my quote.  I have heard it plenty of times, and taken it to heart ---too few.  I have been fighting the summertime-blues, mostly due to the weather I think. (hope).  It has been dark, windy, rainy, c-o-l-d for weeks now. (months?)  It does get to you and I admit after years in the Pacific Northwest I am 'SAD -  Seasonal Affective Disorder' "sensitive"... but who knew it would bother me so much in the summer!!?  Winter yes.  But summer?!  Seriously?!

So today, July 17th, we had SUN.  Sun.  Yes, sun.  For at least half of the day.  Enough.  Totally enough.  For this ....

Is that not the most gorgeous smile you have ever seen?!?  Just say "Yes".

Wow.  So it has been hard lately.  Since I came home from my visit to the US and seeing my family and being in the same time zone as loved ones.... adjustment back to 'ma vie en France'?  Tough.

A lot has to do with the ever present creative angst that controls my professional life.  I choose to live a life of passion that is dependent on creative endeavors that in turn, I hope, allow me to survive, if not make a living... it's my job.  Photography, writing... creating.

So sometimes in the midst of the summer-time sadness, I start to do this really bad behavior called ..... duh, duh, duh....duuuuuh....... comparison.  com-par-is-son.   BAD.

It started when I came back from the US.  One of my very anticipated magazine pieces was rejected.  But I didn't know until the magazine published.  Actually it was bumped (apparently to the fall issue) but rejected or bumped (OUCH).  Then another project kind of went sour.  My passion for it was completely twisted and squeezed out....over a period of weeks, and endless emails, and frustrating exchanges, and inane accusations..... gone. Done.  I am over it.

Enter self-doubt.  Enter comparison.  Enter-----thief of joy.  I started to look around--not for inspiration but for some measuring guide to tell me where I fell short.  Why was I not crazy successful, why didn't I get a gazillion-comments, fans, tweets.....admired, inspirational....successful.....financially successful.......  yuck.  I hate that last one.

I looked at blogs, websites, e-commerce sites, books, magazines----Pinterest!  (Gasp!)

I fell short.  Over and over again.  I even reminded myself of the mantra that I put in my head because realistically or apparently--I am pretty lucky---"I live in FRANCE!"  and as always--that concept that seems to wow and impress so many who remind me of that fact with adoration and envy----means very little at the end of the day.....when it is counter-balanced by the reminder that I am unable to master the language here, have very few friends, no local network, no 'gal-pals' or social life outside of family.... and most days, am quite lonely.  Hard pill to swallow.

Okay---before this all goes much further-- I remember that there are huge HUGE reasons that I have joy in my life.  My children, are beyond compare.  They are perfect, gorgeous and wonderful.  I am (as much at times as it is a struggle) doing what I LOVE---not like.  LOVE.

French Guy---my friend and companion for over 17 years---get's me---(Most days)--- and supports me EVERYDAY.

Creatively, it is all growing pains and every anxious moment leads to growth ...as long as I am looking within and outward--only at ME.  Where I have been, where I am going.... and where I dream to go.  And as long as I stay far from that thief.... never comparing where I am at--or could go with anyone or anything else.

Living in the moment.... seeking joy.  The sun comes back.  It's true.  And each day--it hangs out a little longer ....

Salt, Sand and the Sea

The beach is my drug of choice.  "Hello, my name is Cat, and I am a beach-a-holic".  It is a good thing that for the past 18 years I have lived near one or another.  I have no idea how this got into my blood--but the genes run deep.  Two of my three 'enfants' share the addiction so I am guessing that it does, or will have the same impact on them for the rest of their lives.

It is a place of extreme joy, peace and sometimes, more often than I like ... healing.  It is a place I run to after one of those kick-in-the-gut moments.... or days.... or weekends. 

I am not a sun worshiper in the sense of lying out sunny-side up slathered in goo and trying to absorb as much UV as possible to get to that golden-crispy state. I think my ADD keeps me from sitting still on a beach blanket long enough.  I would rather be walking or moving around if I am at the beach and I never have tanned well, until strangely enough--recently.  Now I get golden more often than rosy--so at this age (my a-hem.... 30's....Um, yes.  seriously.....) anyway....after all this time being a pale-skinned, blue-eyed, blonde...I enjoy a little sun-catching (still wearing SPF 50--just in case!)

But I am a sun-worshiper of another kind--after living first in California and then up to the Pacific Northwest--I value the sun... in any form, even between grey, whenever I can get it!  Normandy is closer weather wise to the PNW, more than I thought it would be, so I am still desperate after a few days or weeks of overcast and cool wet days--to see that gorgeous warm globe up in the sky again!

Confession -- I have taken up running just as an excuse to go to the beach everyday.  Just to get out there with ear-buds tightly in place....music thumping in my ears,  my heart light, and my mind going 500 miles a minute... it keeps me sane, even though the jogging part has not turned me into a fitness fanatic.  Beach fanatic--yes.  Sand between my toes, or in my shoes--fanatic, yes.  Way, much nicer and sweeter person when I get home--fanatic, yes.

Last Sunday we did a walk down to the beach 'en famille'....  Petite Fille who HATED the beach at 9 months has now come full circle at 18 months and is as crazy about it as her mum.  She sits in the frigid water, eats hands full of sand, and sobs uncontrollably when it's time to go .... just like me.

Middle Garcon is in his element there as well.  He becomes peaceful... he is content for hours and hours running, jumping....flying across the sand and spending as much time in the water as he can until he is caked with sand and salt and all pruny.

Oldest Garcon?  Well--I think he could take it or leave it.  After-all, there is no place to plug in his Ipod or phone--and no WiFi.....

And lastly, French Guy?    Does.  Not.  Like.  Sand.  ........Enough said.

Sharing a few pictures from our evening excursion last Sunday.  Focusing on getting through some not-so-great stuff right now and trying to move on from it....and making plans to get back to the salt, sand and sea down the road as soon as I can....

A bientot mes amis!