Bad French

'French Guy' gets me.  I know, a strange revelation at this point.  We have been together for seventeen years and three months...married for sixteen years and nine months....Yes.  Do the math.  We were together for only six months when we got married.  We are like that--we decide to do something and we do it, just like that....it's our pattern...we talk about something, make a decision, do it; whether it is buying a house, moving, having another child---I think we are a good match that way. 

So I have been 'pondering' some things since the holidays, trying to sort through resolutions and revelations.  One thing that has been tumbling around in my heart and head is this new situation of living close to family (the first time for both of us in our adult lives.)  Do you live near your family? (parents? siblings?)  It's a new concept for us....and I can't say that we are brilliant at it--or so we are finding out.  In short--it's tricky.  Add in a language barrier (at least for me...) and you have more tricky--MORE-more tricky.  So although I won't go into detail here and now--I will just say I am struggling to be understood by the French family in more ways than one....have hit some snags with particular family members, and this has been a tiny bit of a set-back in the 'finally-feeling-at-home-in France' endeavor as well as an overall deficit in the joy and happiness bank......c'est vrai....quelle dommage.  It will work out--I am sure of it...eventually.

So on this note....we had a conversation this morning, 'French Guy' and I......which started by me saying something doom and gloom like this....."Maybe I will just always be unhappy".  ...and he says, "What do you mean?" and I say, "Like maybe I am just chronically unhappy....or terminally unhappy"....to which he said...."Then the question is...are you happy being unhappy?".........

Bing-bing-bing-bing!!!  Jack-pot--correct response!  What I was saying is that after determining I will only be happy living in France once I speak French (mais bien sur!) and that I have recently determined that perhaps I am a complete and utter i-d-i-o-t and will NEVER speak French---I in-turn will never be happy......

The next part of the conversation was equally sucessful....(for 'French Guy'---he was on a roll!)  I said I was stuck always looking for the next thing, the next challenge, the next 'thrill' as it was....to which he said, "You can't help it.  You are one of those creative-artist types. You have to be that way".......

"Creative-Artist Types"---- 'A-r-t-i-s-t'....Ooh la la----S-C-O-R-E!!!! 

Wow--thanks for saying that!  How he managed to take my angst filled proclaimations and turn them into.....compliments?  Wow. wow. wow....I think this guy gets me. I was feeling better all ready.

So back to this French thing--the language part.  I have to go to school to learn French or be deported..(sounds funny, but it's kinda true....) If I want to stay, legally, long-term---I must speak French--I must go to school and learn enough to pass FIVE levels of French language.  Daunting?  A little?  My biggest challenge is making some 400 hours of class fit into my normal daily life schedule which includes one (soon to be TWO) business ventures, writing, creating, developing myself professionally as a photographer, finishing the several books I have written or started, and keeping a household of three children, three cats, three dogs, and two goldfish....oh and French Guy---happy, fed, clothed with clean clothing (most of the time..) and just overall cared-for and content.....well--if you are tired just reading that--then you get me too!

But you see--learning French is the final bane of my happy-existence here in Cheeseland--and apparently my only hope in being fully ensconced into the French family. 

So here we go mes amis.....I am posting this--in writing--as a vow.  I WILL SPEAK FRENCH.  Actually---I will speak BAD French....I am done waiting to be perfect, I am done being worried about constant correction.  I will speak whatever words I know in whatever form I can think of--conjugated or not.  And here is a little promise I am putting out for French Guy--who has proven today--that when it comes to the important conversations (IN ENGLISH) he rocks.....now we need to speak French.  In the seventeen years we have been together--he has not spent ONE day speaking to me in French.  Come to think of it--not even one hour!

So there you go.  Are you with me?  Maintenant je dois aller. Je suis fatigué. Il a été une longue journée et demain sera encore plus longtemps.

There you go!  How bad was that?....Wait.  Don't tell me.

A bientot, mes amis!