Identity Crisis #543

I am having a little 'identity crisis'..... it happens.  C'est normale, oui?  When things around me change; people come and go, the weather switches seasons, and then back again within a weeks time, a large project is completed...... I am missing something familiar; a place, a person, a time .... and then the worst thing happens, that ugly little thing known as self-doubt takes over, despite the recent accomplishments or the new aspirations....that little annoying cloud then triggers the all encompassing creativity block.... (insert c-r-i-n-g-e....) I want to write but I can't, cooking something amazing seems tedious, my patience with les enfantes wanes, I have an achey camera arm, 'Photographer's Elbow', I start to knit something for Petite Fille and attention deficit disorder kicks in.....

Quelle dommage!  It sucks. I try to remedy it by looking outside of my little cloud and seeing what everyone else is up to....bad idea....sometimes.  Everyone else seems to be brilliantly blogging, have 2000 followers and 372 comments on each post, are getting published, making witty status updates on Facebook, traveling to far off places or sitting on a beach sipping a Mojito.....creativity and brilliance just seeping from every pore.... I don't feel better.  I feel anxious.

I pull out a 'to-do' list---scratch off laundry, cat litter box, cleaning out the fridge, packing away summer clothes.... and replace those items with --  finish that book, start that new blog, sew those drapes, write that thank you note.....bake some bread, redecorate the livingroom, make that inspiration wall....which then leads to ... touch up all the paint in the house, fill every table with fresh cut flowers from my perfectly weeded garden, plan a dinner party, lose those last 5 kilos, get published in a magazine .... and with the time left over.... find the solution for world peace and get one of those little Pullitzer Prize thingy's......

You see what happens--the 'to-do' list gives way to the 'aspiration' list which then snow-balls into the impossible dream list -- which all comes back to what I really, really want is... a few more followers and feedback on my blogs, a few more sales at my Etsy shop, a word of encouragement about something I have done, to inspire one person occasionally and to be told I have .... oh, and a clean house... and if not that, a full night's sleep.  Actually I would give up all of the above for a full night's sleep....Seriously.

But what I think is most interesting, even as I look at those brilliant bloggers, creative artists, exceptional business people, talented writers and inspired photographers, I know that despite what looks to be golden fluently-flowing creativity and brilliance....and perfect homes, children, lifestyles, etc..... I am betting that those people go through the exact same thing I am today.  I think I might be in very good company.

I had never heard this quote before today--and I will end this post with it.

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

~Steve Jobs (1955 – October 5, 2011), American entrepreneur and inventor

 Your heart and intuition already know what you truly want to become.....you just have to have the courage to follow....

and in the meantime....time to go change the cat-litter....... a bientot!