I am...just a petit-peu. I can attribute it to sleep-wackiness. I (we) are still not having any kind of 'normal' sleep--some nights 7 or 8 hours at a time and then other nights 2. A few nights ago when a full night's sleep was almost a shoe-in as Petite Fille had slept almost straight through the night before...the night was looking promising....but then an old friend returned---my chere amie--Insomnia. She stuck around until about 2 am which was when Petite Fille woke up and decided it was time to par--tay!
Today I am tired, and grumpy. I have loads of projects in the cue and I cannot get myself up and at-em for anything---Coffee? Blah. Shower? Blah. Hair coiffed and make-up on? Blah-blah-blah. I have been trying to entice myself by saying--I don't really need to tidy up the house--or do laundry---or make a grocery list---I could just go out someplace pretty and shoot some pictures.......?......BLAH. The beach?.....Bl...a...? Well maybe not blah--but I can't go now with Petite Fille napping and French Guy out getting serious things done.
So I am stuck--I was reading blogs to cheer myself up and instead I ended up feeling a little bit pissy about a new (adorable) blog I just found written by an adorable young gal, and her adorable family that just moved to Paris to live an adorable life---for ONE year....yeah--you got it, ONE adorable year! And in my snitty-little mood I found myself not inspired but instead hating little Madame Adorable---and thinking--one year in any country is barely boot-camp....and of course anything in 365 day increments....especially a move from family and friends is totally do-able...so of course why not?!
One year living in France, pas grave, non?---but you see I am almost there. And my one year in France has not been....well adorable, or romantic or magical.....or anything near that. If you have been reading for a while you know that this transition to wonder-France-land has been a tinsy bit hard. Because it's not just for a year--it's not a bite-size adjustment know that soon enough I will return home to friends, family and all things familiar and comfortable.
You also know that I have been admitting lately that things are getting better. I am starting to feel more at-home and more than that appreciating not only the differences but how all the new things have caused me to open my eyes and appreciate things in life that sometimes go unnoticed....like people I love, rituals and routines, places, foods.....but there has been a high price to pay too. One that wouldn't necessarily be felt so deeply if it were only for a year.
It may be hard to understand from an outside perspective---I love the frank and honest posts of ex-pats that have found that not all is brilliant and sparkly in Cheeseland. At the same time, I am equally honest to agree that this is the experience of a lifetime, for me, for the kids and even for French Guy to be so close to his family...and for a while in my mind I did pretend it was for a year (only) because then it feels more like vacation than stay-cation....not-goin'-back-cation.
Well onward and upward---out of the mucky-funk. The sun is shining, the construction team tearing up our roads are 'at lunch' so all is quiet, (aside from the neighbor who just revved-up his hedge trimmer)...and Petite Fille sleeps at least for the moment. I will overcome this funk! (I will, I will.....starting right now.....right this minute.....here I go.......up, up, up......right after I take a nap.)
Au revoir funk! How am I doin' so far?....and you?
3 comments:
Hang in there - it gets easier with time. We lived in France for 6 years, NYC for 2 and half and have been in the UK now since mid 2009. This time it's "for good." I think. I guess. It's kind of hard to imagine that I won't live in the US again but that might be the case.
Each time we've moved, it's taken at LEAST a year to adjust, if not longer, and there are always low moments when I really miss my good friends and family back in the US. But weirdly, during my time in Brooklyn, I had a kind of reverse culture shock coming from Paris. Where were all the cafes? And beautiful old buildings? And cheap (good) wine?? The only thing that helped was Target. (God, that store is awesome.)
Anyway, I won't tell you to appreciate France because you will want to give me a virtual kick in the shins, but time does help, and I think it will grow on you. In the meantime, maybe you can find some comfort in the beautiful buildings, cafes and drink some of that wine :)
Thank you! Your blog, by the way always brings a smile and just think we could have passed on the sidewalk in Deauville last weekend!
So much about living in France is fabulous--but I do have my days (still after being here almost a year) where it is annoying and I get the 'bleus' for home...and coffee in a paper cup 'to go', mindless small talk with strangers,ice-cubes in my drink, 24 hour grocery stores and over-priced Sonoma County wine...and Target. ;)
Oh sweets - how did I miss this post? I know I tease you about how envious I am, but I am well aware of how difficult the transition must be for you. I am definitely a creature of habit, and being away from all that I hold dear would be, at times, heartbreaking. But, maybe, just maybe, you are making new "habits" - those brocanting Sundays sure sound divine - and maybe, hopefully, you will start to feel more and more connected to your new home. I am SO heading over one of these days - I promise!!!
xx
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