Yesterday afternoon we were visited by a friend, who came bearing an unthinkable message--he came to tell us that a mutual friend had taken her life a few days ago... on this, one week before Christmas. The news fell heavy on an already grey and cold Monday. We spoke for a while, standing in my kitchen. I heard myself asking questions, maybe hoping the details would add some sense to it.
Our friend was troubled, to say the least. She was weathering an extremely nasty divorce, struggling to care for two children, and had recently made the decision to move to Paris--we were hoping...to have a new start. Not to be.
Of course looking back--there were the 'signs'...she bumped up her move by several weeks and vacated her house (next door to us) in a matter of hours. Prior to that, a few months ago, she gave away the family dog. I remember thinking--'Who gives away the family pet?' ....someone that plans not to be around to take care of it. Her two kids, 7 and 9 years old were around a lot--at our house and other neighbors, at odd hours...we knew that our friend was taking several prescriptions to 'cope' and suspected that she might be napping or resting, so the kids were bored and on their own. But none of this was RED flag-ish enough--we sent emails and messages, our friend did not answer her door or phone but would occasionally respond to a text message. We sent messages of support, invitations to come over just to sit if she wanted to....most messages were also unanswered and after a while we just let the distance grow as we knew what she was dealing with we didn't have first-hand experience with.
We saw her two weeks ago. I wish I could say we exchanged farewells and well-wishes. But we were annoyed that she had broken her word to us about an arrangement--so instead all that was spoken was irritation and 'tough love' about what friendship should be....
I am sad for her, but more so I have to say my heart aches for her children, who have a broken relationship with their father, and do not have a support network of family members. They were not with her when she died, thankfully, but will forever be marked by the choice their mother made to leave them. For this reason I cannot write a touching 'tribute' about her. Right now I am angry at her, how could she not think of them?...they have a very long life ahead. I pray for a miracle for them to be able to continue and have a life with some happiness or a day of 'normal' even after this loss.
That's all I am going to say here. I am compelled to remind everyone within ear-shot that this is the time of year that those who are suffering sometimes make a choice to leave this world in this tragic way. If there is anyone you can think of--it may prove to be life changing to extend a prayer for them. Take a pause from the holiday busyness and building anticipation of the 'happiest time of year' and think of those who need a hand... send a prayer and know that God is listening.... pick up the phone, text a message... knock on a door.
Pause..... .
